Thursday, March 08, 2007
if we were still together, it would be 10th month in two days time.
once, you said you just want to see me and be by my side.
once, you said that you will always be there when i'm not happy.
once, you said that no matter walking or running, i'm not alone.
once, you said that i'm the only one you can relate to when you are down.
once, you said that you will cherish me.
once, you said that you can't live without me.
once, you said that i wouldn't have to be afraid of anything with you around.
once, you said you will always love me.
and all the things you did for me.
but now you made up your mind.
you let go my hands and left me behind.
i thought i can let you go freely.
i thought i can.
i'm not as strong as i thought.
i thought we can withstand all obstacles together.
i thought we can last forever.
i tried to rewrite the ending.
i noe i'm silly.
i noe i'm stupid.
i ran out of the house to chase after you without thinking any of the consequences.
i tried to bring us back to where we first started.
but i failed.
i don't know what to do anymore.
and i know there's nothing more i can do already.
and i know that's really the end of our story.
you didn't turn back.
you really left me.
i cried.
terribly.
i cried to sleep at night.
and i woke up with swollen eyes.
with the scene of me standing and waiting at the middle of the dark badminton court downstairs your house alone in my mind.
i'm feeing lost and empty and pain.
i cannot find my way.
my vision is blurred.
i'm stuck at the past where you used to shower with lots of love, care and concern.
images of how we first met to what had become now kept flashing in my mind.
my phone inbox and call register were used to be filled with your names.
your name will never appear again when my phone vibrates.
i'm so used to having you in my life.
i'm so used to love and be loved.
i will never forget your strong arms embracing around me.
now i have to move on alone.
and you will also move on to live your days without me in your life.
the two big painful blisters on my feet reminds me of counting the 5710 steps from my house to your house.
the mosquito bites reminds me of the night at West Coast Park and the nights of waiting downstairs your house.
wearing my demin skirt reminds me that i hadn't been eating for days.
pimples popping out reminds me that i hadn't been sleeping well for days as well.
every since last Friday.
i felt so terrible i rather met with some fatal accident and lose my memory.
but i wouldn't want to forget him and those sweet memories we had.
and of course all the wonderful friends.
you.
yes, you.
and you.
all of you.
i took back my words when i thought of these.
i was crying when i was talking with Stephanie just now.
accepting the fact already used up all my strength and energy.
after what she told me i broke down again.
i will never have the same special experience and the same special moments.
i know for sure.
i will always remember these and keep them in my heart, in a special place.
thanks Stephanie thanks.
for telling me all these.
and i will be looking forward to the outings. =)
thanks Janice thanks
thanks Dilys thanks
thanks Vivienne thanks
thanks Leonard thanks
thankew all for coming out.
all of your presence were comforting.
Janice, thanks for allowing me to come to your house so early in the morning just to hear me cry and for taking care of me.
and Mr Tham, i'm so sorry for wetting your pillow.
i will be lying if i say i'm alright now.
i don't know how time will heal the wounds and fill up the empty hole.
i don't know when i will stop crying to sleep.
i don't know when i will get used to not having you around.
♥
1:53 PM
